This song blows my mind… The video hurts in the most beautiful way that I crave.
Sometimes I consider playing it for my final song in yoga, during savasana. But I think the climax and the ending are too intense, too loud, and then suddenly depriving of a calm ending.
I want people to leave satisfied and filled, not longing and filled with a glimpse of beauty and wondering what it all was. That’s the way I feel when I hear it. Like I need more, like there must be some action required afterwards… Maybe that is the way they should feel.
I should be working. But I feel like…. writing. I have a magical day off somehow. I cleaned the fuck out of the apartment, which pleases me greatly, hahah.
You know how, when you’ve got that song stuck in your head, just a fragment… A song that you don’t know. I spent at least a half hour trying to find it this morning… But I finally found it. “Tove Lo - Stay High (Habits Remix) ft. Hippie Sabotage.
I just really like it.
So many strange dreams lately, it’s quite silly.
Things have been really good the last few days. I feel like I’m finally getting back to this safe, sure feeling. Where I feel confident in where I’m at. Where we’re at.
I guess I should be honest when I say it’s probably due to the fact that Brian asked if he could “keep me forever” after telling me he couldn’t make me a ring made of stone.
It just feels like… Him asking that washes away the cold, clinging memory of the “I don’t know” response that’s been haunting me. I feel like I’m finally on equal footing again. I’m in no hurry, you know… It’s just reassuring. This is where I want to be. Just knowing is enough.
I guess I think of the “Power of Vulnerability” video.. How she talks about having the courage to say “I love you first”, and how those are the people who live whole heartedly. Since I last watched that video with Jordan again I’ve tried to say “I love you more.” Just to say it, just to reach out.
God. That’s what I need to do more. Reach out. To everyone. Reach out and not worry about rejection or disappointment.
Him asking that was him reaching out. I asked him if he loved himself, and he said yes. That was what I needed to know, I think.
Gosh. I wish I could just stay home and write and type and listen, haha. Maybe I’ll try………….. Mwahahaha.