Man, a person changes so much. Which is good. I am referring to myself this time.
Sometimes, when I add a new person on facebook I look over my profile and wonder what their first impression of me will be. I always see people differently after such an intimate look into their life. So sometimes I look at my old photos.
I realize that there are parts of me that I miss. The striving, reaching, fun. hands-outstretched girl… Man, we used to go dancing every Tuesday.
I remember the time I got down on my knees, begging Kaylee to dance with me, and suddenly all of our friends got down on their knees, and even a few confused bystanders until at least ten people were begging her on their knees to dance; she was so embarrassed she said yes, hahaha…
I just remember those precious, unique nights of getting ready. The excitement of the unknown and the mysterious possibilities. I loved my long, dark hair, my sometimes too-fancy dresses that fit in at the Triple Rock.
I remember my studio in Loring Park. I remember how super single I was, haha. How lonely I was. How crazy I was!
I know that I just need to try striving again. To just try. To reach. I think the only problem is that I don’t know what I’m reaching for. Fun is too expensive, haha… Maybe that’s a stupid notion.
All I know is that there are these parts of me that I miss.
Buuuuut……. I suppose I need to take a moment to acknowledge all of the things that I like about where I am right now. But when I think about that.. It’s hard to come up with “qualities” rather than “things I’ve done”.
I don’t know. I’m literally on the verge of graduating… Which is alright. I’m a yoga instructor. I wanted that as a far away dream I thought impossible for a really long time. I work at probably one of the best restaurants in the mid west, make really great money, and the management loves me. I’m in an exclusive research lab that directly involves things that interest me. I now have a box spring for my bed, so we have a “real bed” now. It’s oddly satisfying. With Brian’s help, we are crushing our debt. That’s true. And very satisfying.
I think I’m happy. I feel happy, and content. There will always be wants. But I’m taking those baby steps. I told Jenny I want to go to India next summer. I’m still totally into that idea.
Oh, things and sucheries…